Going into treatment was extremely tough. I was extremely resistant and did not want to hear anything any therapist wanted to say about me. Why would I want to hear it? I have been using drugs for the last four years to avoid taking a truthful look inside myself. But drugs put aside, treatment was able to show me the young child I had been acting life all of my life. It was time for me to face who I have been hiding from, myself, and become a man.
As I said it was really tough. It was even more difficult to realize that I thought I had been doing a good job hiding who I really was when all the people who cared about me got a full spoonful plus more of the real Matt. I am going to be honest, everyone who knew me, knew more about me than I did. I was a chameleon. Meaning I would adjust to certain people and situations, never exposing the true Matt because I was way too scared of what other people thought of me. The therapists in my treatment center were extremely quick to jumping on this and realizing it. I would act different in groups to different therapists. It was absolutely time for a change. I was put on many directives and assigned plenty of treatment work to figure out the root cause of Matt the Chameleon. I was able to take that true look at myself that I never cared to look at. I learned through treatment who I really was and that I can be comfortable exposing who I really am to anyone. What YOU think about ME is not my business.
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